People don't know me too well

2:53 PM Kristine 2 Comments

Hello, guys! I'm back with a new text post. I've been busy with life lately, and busy with my blog giveaway plans as well so I hope you guys don't mind if blog posts and a new video on YouTube won't come in pretty often. I just have a lot on my mind right now and to be honest, right now, as I am typing this post, I feel...quite blank. I dunno. There's something I've been meaning to get out of my chest.


Well...ok. Maybe not that. lol

Err...okay, back to the topic. I guess it really just bugs me when people judge me based on how I look. Well, not judge, but they assume things because of how I look and because of how I am. Lemme explain to you the bits and pieces of how it's like to be me.

Warning: TL;DR post

Click read more to read more (duh)

1. Thinking I'm rich because of how I look and because of the stuff I have. First of all, I am not rich. This is one assumption I am constantly annoyed of hearing. Especially when people ask me why I'm not studying anymore and I tell them that I simply can't afford it and they won't even believe me! They think I'm lying. Well. Certainly after my dad got sick and passed away and when my mom got sick a few months after, I don't think there would be anything left for me. And you know what? I don't care that I had to stop studying. My parents come first. They need the money for their health more than I do for my education. I still have lots of time, I believe. Next, regarding the gadgets I have and the makeup I always get, I don't spend a single penny on those. My gadgets? Hand-me-downs. Makeups? Sponsored by shops. You might be thinking, "what are your siblings doing?" well, to tell you the truth, my eldest sister is now the breadwinner of the family. Next sister has a family of her own, my brother doesn't have a job since he takes care of my mom, and my other bro doesn't earn much and helps with the bills. "Why don't you get a job?" actually, I do have a job. I am a freelance makeup artist and nail artist. Though I don't earn much, it helps. I do blogging, too. I don't get paid in cash but the stuff I get is enough since I don't have to spend anything on makeup anymore.
2. Thinking life is so easy for me because I'm pretty. I admit, being pretty has its perks. But it won't get me a job. Maybe a job that completely gets rid of my dignity and class but no, I am not going to venture out into that kind of job.
3. Thinking I have a lot of suitors and that I go on a lot of dates. Uhm...no. I don't have any suitors, and never had, for years now. I also don't go on dates because it's simply not my kind of thing. And by dates, I mean first-meeting/getting to know each other kinda dates. To me, if you wanna meet me and get to know me, I want my best friend to be there. People do not understand why but it's because I don't trust people so easily. My best friend helps me decide if you pass or not. Worry not, my best friend isn't hard to please. She is very simple, and she only tries to see if you are capable enough to take care of me, if you have the ability to understand if ever I put her first (before you), and if you are loyal and sincere enough to be okay with the next few days with her around. Mind you, this best friend has been by my side for almost 15 years and she knows me better than anyone else. If you want to impress me, better impress her first. But like I said, it's not hard to impress her. She's a really nice person who is easy to get along with and she only looks at your intentions towards me and patience with me.
4. Thinking I have lots and lots of friends. Yes, I do have a lot of friends. But I keep them at arm's reach. And if I do shut them out of my life, it would be pretty easy. That's because, like I said, I don't trust easily. For some reason, I feel it when someone can be trusted. I don't feel it often, but when I do, I'm right. These people are now a part of my inner circle. Being a part of my inner circle means that I can trust you and I am completely comfortable around you. You will know that you are a part of this when I tell you my little secrets, or when I clutch your arm, or hug you when we hang out. Aside from that inner circle, I have my close friends. My close friends are just a handful. These friends of mine are friends that have been "tried and tested" by me. Meaning, they've helped me face challenges at one point and never left my side. These close friends are the people that know what's going on in my life every moment because I just can't wait to tell them about it. That's when you know that you're on of my close friends. Usually, these too, are the people I have been friends with for a year or so. The last kind of circle, is my "best friend" circle. Best Friend Circle - Population: 1. You already know who this is. ^_^ Anyway, you might think that I am mean for filtering out my friends like this but honestly, I like it that way. It doesn't mean that if you aren't a part of my inner circle or if you're just a friend, I won't care about you as much, no. I do care about all my friends. I do care about the people I simply "just know." 
5. Saying I shouldn't be shy because I'm pretty. I really hate when I'm shy and people tell me "you shouldn't be shy because you're pretty. You're being insane." NO, you're being insane. Just because a person looks a certain way doesn't mean he/she shouldn't be shy. I am shy because I just am. I am shy because I stand out for some reason. I am shy because bullying made me want to constantly blend in and hide from people. I constantly become self-conscious because you know what? Bullying does that to you. When you spend a year being constantly seen and made fun of by people, you are bound to worry that people might do that to you wherever you go. But you know, I'm also constantly training myself to be better. When I'm walking in the mall, people look at me and I taught myself how to not look down, but instead walk and look forward without looking at anyone in the eye and blocking the thought that people are looking at me. And about bullying, I taught myself how to bite back. I don't do this all the time, mind you. If a random person has been running their mouth about me, I ignore it. Why? Because why should I waste my time? By biting back, I meant it towards my high school batchmates. These people are so used to me just letting them do what they do but you know, that's not gonna happen anymore. I will let you know how pathetic you are and your life must be for still coming at me even after graduating (even until now). You guys might be wondering why they still bash me after all these years, I mean, I must have done something, right? Honestly, even if I did, can't they move on? Because I did. I mean, it's not like I stole money or gadgets from them, or like I stole their boyfriends from them. What I did before, wasn't directed towards anyone. What I did before were mistakes I made in my life. I did NOT ruin anyone's life. I ruined mine. Which makes me wonder why these people act so butthurt when I didn't even do anything that could ruin their life. Seriously, just think about it. Why would you go through so much effort to hate on someone when they really didn't do anything to ruin your life. If anything, I should be the one who should be bashing them and being butthurt because they were the ones who ruined my life. But you don't see me doing that. Because it's pointless. Oh and, it's because I have a life. ;)

Ok bai.


:trollface:





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